Keeping The Same Tabs Open For 9 Days Straight Because They Contain Information Relevant To Tasks You’re Too Lazy To Complete - A novel by me
This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:
Is there anything a natural 20 can’t do?
This is a poster idea I developed to show off the amazingness of tabletop rpgs.
*video game boss the size of a skyscraper*
"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THIS THING"
*ten minutes later*
"that…was surprisingly easy."
*video game boss that is just normal dude with sword*
"ahhh this’ll probably be easy"
*ten hours later*
"fuck. shit. god. I can’t do this anymore. you’ve bested me. I will no longer play a game again. I have been disgraced."
Wil Wheaton, mensch.
It’s not like you guys care or anything. But this is the sign I made for the ProLife March in Washington D.C this week.
It’s not like you care or anything, but Dr. Seuss was so pro-choice he threatened to sue the pro-life organization misusing and appropriating his words, this quote. Ha.
Dr. Seuss and his wife were lifelong supporters of Planned Parenthood. His widow continues to sue pro-life organizations for using this quote. BTW, the book was about the American post-war occupation of Japan. Not about fetuses.
my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’
Do you ever look in the mirror and think, “I’ve seen that face before”?